Week 1 is in the books, read the game reports below.

Cobra Kai vs Spartans

In a tightly contested season opener, Cobra Kai edged the Spartans 4-3.  Cobra Kai struck first and struck hard, just like they promised.  It was Hadi who blasted a shot from just outside the area that hit the inside of the post and went in.  Shortly thereafter, RonalDuy scored his trademark goal when a long pass found him in the area, he turned and put it past the keeper.

It was 1-1 heading into the second half and 2 early goals courtesy of Sam and Metin  saw Cobra Kai take a 3-1 lead.  The Spartans didn’t fold and showed great fortitude to tie the game, with goals from YiNan and RonalDuy.  The brace lifted RonalDuy back to the top of the all-time leading goalscorers in the TCL.  With the game tied at 3 and both teams tired, it was the Cobra Kai who struck last.  A long ball from defense found Dan on the left side.  He crossed to an unmarked Hadi who put a well-timed header past Kevin in the Spartans goal.

It was a great season opener by both teams and a rivalry in the making.

Ivan G

D-Mentors vs Clubber Lang

On opening night D-Mentors FC came bursting out of the gate with a 3-0 victory over FCber Lang.  Forwards Vlad Moisseykin and Scott Kamins appeared to be already in mid-season shape as they ran the FCber Lang defence ragged over the first half.  Both were rewarded with goals on great set-ups by Neil Carey.  FCber Lang eventually found their footing and managed to control the ball as the game went on but could not muster much in the way of offence.  D-Mentors goalie Murat Cokgezen was so unimpressed he left early! 

After this one, FCber Lang will be talking about marathons versus sprints or tortoises versus hares while the D-Mentors will just be looking forward another victory on their march through the league.

 Brad H

Barons vs Renegades

“I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.” –George Costanza

The Barons had an appointment Wednesday night at 7pm however The Renegades didn’t get the memo. Fielding only 4 players, they used whatever players they could find to hold on to whatever dignity they had left.  The first half of the game was close with The Renegades playing decent defense, both teams had many chances but the Barons had the edge by half-time with a 2-0 lead. Kevin Bonner made some key defensive stops for The Barons in the first half.

The second half was much more open and the Barons were able to take advantage of the transition game and score on the counter more often. Key players were Seamus “one-time” Lynott and Andrew “Ace” Winnett, both with 3 goals as well as keeper Kevin “matrix” Bonner. Key injuries were Christy “I was just filing in” Gnanapragasam and Paul “The Pint” Callahan. Great game for The Barons, and a tough loss for The Renegades.

Finally, there was a controversial goal scored when a goal went in directly off a corner kick. The referee called it a no-goal only after team Barons gave the referee the old “Barcelona swarm” and influenced the referee’s decision. However OTPP rules state the following: “All free kicks are indirect. Players who encroach within three meters of the kicker may be cautioned by the Referee.”  Furthermore page 59 of the 2014/15 FIFA Futsal rule book states the following: “A goal may be scored directly from a corner kick, but only against the opposing team”.  Need I say more? Barons 8-Renegades 3.

Fernando A.

The battle for the Toronto Champions League mid-year supremacy was the key matchup on Thursday evening with Blue Lightning taking on the Bad Apples.

Blue Lightning came out storming and controlled the first half of the game. Vince the “Cannoli” Castronovo struck first with a rebound perfectly set up by Gabe the “God”! Two other goals were added late in the half and with solid defense by Brad the “Lockdown” Leufkens, Ivan the “Go Home” Gojmerac, Julio the “Arretez” Araujo and Leon the “Please get out of my house” Perelman, the Blue Lightning ended the half up 3-0 and top stop was theirs to lose.

The second half began with a change in goal by the Bad Apples which turned out to help turnaround their play as they posted an early goal to get back in the game at 3-1. However, a snipe by Gabe the “God” forced another goaltender switch from the Bad Apples and ended up being costly as the game winner. A late rally by the Bad Apples was countered by another 2 Blue Lightning goals, resulting in the Lightning coming out on top with a 6-3 victory.   Great effort from both sides.

In other action, Whitewalkers overturned a 4-1 deficit to win 5-4.  What does the Black Team need to do to win a match?  In the late game, Maestros blanked OTPP Utd 2-0.

Vince “the Cannoli” Castronovo

Maestros vs Blue Lightning

It was a battle for first place.  Metinho and Ivan, once champions together were now rivals.  The Venezuelans, once a happy group now fighting for bragging rights.  Lightning vs Maestros, game on!

Lightning struck early for the second consecutive week as Derek Chan scored in the first minute.  Everyone knows that DC can’t score just one goal, so this did not bode well for Maestros.  For their part, the Vivas cousins showed up late and when they did arrive, took their sweet time to get dressed.  There was some conversation, a few jokes, it was smiles all around.  Metinho had taken a hard hit on the ankle and needed to sub off and this was enough to get the Vivas cousins to speed things up.  Ivan tried to get under the skin of Newman with a little trash talk.  Newman was either not going for the bait or he was scared.  He was probably scared.  The game went back and forth and both keepers made some great saves.  DC scored his inevitable second goal to make it 2-0 and that’s how the half ended.  As the two sides retreated to their benches, Metinho accused the Lighting of being lucky to be up 2-0.

Shortly after the restart, the Maestros cut the lead in half.  Victor was first to the ball in midfield and found Haddi with a nicely weighted pass and the leading goal scorer buried it past Kevin Bonner.  His rival for top goal scorer then netted his hat trick as DC restored the 2 goal lead.  The game was hard fought with both sides giving it their all.  Cesar Vivas made his season debut and reminded everyone of who he is.  If you run into Cesar, you can better believe your next stop is the ground and he won’t even notice that you ran into him.  A Lightning player learned that the hard way.  Speaking of big hits, Metinho took a shot from close range right into his manhood.  Two players needed to help him off the field and when he got to the sideline, he crumpled into a ball and lay in the fetal position.  He was still there five minutes later without having moved.

The Lightning were struggling to contain Haddi and Newman.  They were passing the ball to each other, the Bolts didn’t expect that.  Victor was pushing up to support the attack and scored to bring the Maestros to within 1.  With ten minutes left, Haddi scored his second to tie the game.  Both of these teams wanted to win and neither was settling for a draw.  Gabriel found some room in behind Frank Alimena but his shot was stopped by Murat.  There were spectacular saves and goalposts being hit on both sides.  The game winner came when DC did some good work on the left side and was able to sneak a shot past Murat.  Maestros kept fighting hard but there just wasn’t enough time left on the clock.  It finished 4-3 to the Lightning and first place is theirs.

 

Whitewalkers vs OTPP Utd (Bouchardgate)

This game started with controversy. OTPP United, still winless in their first three games, signed Alexis Bouchard and Bernard Grzinic to one-day contracts. Fernando “The Mouth from the South” Ayala was particularly outraged with the backroom dealings, and was quoted as calling the OTPP United squad “dirty cheaters”.  Coach David “Bill Belichick Jr” Ashton, speaking at his pre-game press conference stated, “These signings are in accordance with league laws. Both the opposing captain, and two league commissioners agreed to these signings, so we’ve done nothing wrong. If the league wants to revisit the rules next season they can do so. In the meantime, our team is here to win soccer games.”

With Bouchardgate already casting a black cloud over the field Whitewalkers FC kicked off. Immediately, JJ “Half Man Half Amazing” rushed into the Whitewalkers defensive end, stripped the ball from the unexpected Whitewalkers midfield and blasted the ball past Charles “Make it Rain” Yang. 1-0 United early on.  Whitewalkers, now ready for action, kicked off again. With both sides now finding their attack, the defences on either side refused to break. The breakthrough finally came when Mily “Wrecking Ball” Chen stripped the ball from the Whitewalkers captain, cut to her right around him, back to her left, back right, here’s the shot. GOOOOAAAAAALLLL!!!! 2-0 United.

Theo “The Body” Blachard had seen enough. Making another highlight reel run, he blew past several United players and wound up for the shot. The United defence bit on his feint, and he passed the ball across the field to Chaitanya “The Cannon” Khanna. With all the time in the world, Khanna picked his spot, wound up, and fired a ball into the top corner past a helpless United keeper. 2-1 United.  Unhappy with conceding a goal, JJ once again took matters into his own hands as he carried the ball into the Whitewalkers zone, easily brushing off the undersized Ayala, as he helplessly tried to defend against the juggernaut. Carrying the ball down the sidelines, he fired a shot from a tight angle that somehow found its way past the Whitewalkers keeper. 3-1 United.  Following the pattern of the game, Blanchard then carried the ball into the United zone. He outbattled Ted “Big Train” Guo but lost his handle on the ball. Falling, he threw a ball on net which found its way through. The celebration was shortlived however as Blanchard was ruled to have been sliding during the play. 3-1 United at half time!

Whitewalkers expectedly came out firing in the second half but a rotation of JJ, “Pistol” Paul Callahan, and Big Train on defence kept the score at 3-1. A late goal by JJ surely sealed the game for United at 4-1. But the Whitewalkers were not ready to concede as both teams battled until the end. Daniel “Pornstache” McNiece led the Whitewalkers on a late-game charge but Big Train fought off the Whitewalker attack with his Valyrian steel defence. The seconds ticked down, and the final whistle blew. 4-1 United!

 

Bad Apples vs The Black Team

When the Bad Apples took the field against the Black Team, it was a battle of two seriously depleted sides.  The Apples looked to Charles Yang to deputize in place of Alex Arkanov.  Also, Neon Leon Perelman joined them on loan.

Sean Kinsella confirmed his status as an elite goal scorer by drawing first blood.  TBT shook it off though and pushed for an equalizer.  Jeff McCabe found Ash Connor on the left side and he absolutely buried a shot past the Apples’ keeper.  Charlito’s response was “Woah, nobody told me I’d have to face that.”  Within a few minutes the Apples had retaken the lead through some nice link up play between Kinsella and Romain.  It was the latter who placed a curling ball to the left of the keeper.  Just before the half ended, Nicholas took a kick-in and found Brian Lyons in front of the net who calmly put the ball past Charlito.  It was a great example of how a kick-in should be taken – fast to the open man.

The story of the first half was Raghav’s insistence on taking the kick-ins.  Usually nothing good comes of the keeper doing this and nothing good came this time either.  Romain thought to himself, “why don’t I just go and block the kick-in so that if it hits me, I might score into an open net.”  To the surprise of nobody, this actually happened, well almost.  Romain blocked the kick-in and in the ensuing chaos, the Apples just narrowly missed scoring.  This did not deter Raghav one bit and he stuck to the plan for the rest of the game.

Jeff McCabe opened the second half with a vengeance.  His talented left foot forced two very good saves out of Charlito.  Midway through the second, Kinsella shot from just inside half and Raghav tried to save with his feet instead of his hands.  It didn’t work out as well as he had hoped and the ball got past him and into the net.  Not to be outdone, Charlito tried the same goalkeeping tactic on a long shot from Nico.  He suffered the same fate as Raghav and the game was tied 3-3.

The Apples came to win though and led by Kinsella they took the lead with 10 minutes left.  Much like Kurt Russell playing Wyatt Earp, walking forward into gun fire at the OK Corral and saying “noooooo” in slow motion, Kinsella beat three players and finally the goalkeeper to score the winning goal.  Isabel had a great chance to make it five in the dying minutes as she beat a defender but couldn’t beat Raghav in TBT’s goal.  The referee blew the final whistle.  He also gave Leon a ride home, which was awful nice of him.

The Black Team vs Blue Lightning

It was Black vs Blue in this early season battle.  The Black Team was missing Larry and Raghav and without their keeper, they were in tough.  They were however bolstered by the unexpected appearances of Nicolas Ress, making his season debut and John Altinian, who Ronalduy claimed would not be playing.  These underhanded tactics threw the Lightning off, just a little bit.  For their part, the Bolts were missing Scott and Gabe but did welcome back Derek “DC” Chan after missing last week’s game.

The opening minute saw the first goal by Neon Leon as he fired a looping shot from the halfway line that deceived the keeper and dipped in at the last second.  TBT pushed forward for the equalizer with Altinian throwing some bombs that didn’t get through The Wall, goalkeeper Kevin Bonner.  Mid-way through the first half, Ronalduy struck for his 4^th goal of the season to even the match at 1-1.  Just before the half ended, the Lightning struck twice in quick succession.  First it was Ivan Gojmerac blasting a shot between the keepers legs and then DC putting the ball in the net after a small scramble in front of goal.  It was an evenly played first half but the Bolts had the 3-1 lead.

Early in the second half, some great link up play from TBT saw them make 4 quick passes to set up Jeff McCabe who left-footed the ball past the keeper.  The game got more intense and as DC was on a partial breakaway,  a TBT defender clipped his foot in the middle of his shot.  Unfortunately the referee thought it was all ball but from this reporter’s vantage point, it was all foot.  Shortly afterwards from a kick-in, Ivan tried to find a surging Julio.  Instead, TBT’s defender got a foot on the ball and redirected it into his own net.  That was definitely all ball.

With luck on their side, the Bolts kept pushing forward.  Vince Castronovo came close on a couple of opportunities, only to be denied by the keeper.  DC scored his second off a scramble and then Brad Leufkens added another.  A high looping ball over the defender’s head that Brad was able to redirect past the on-rushing keeper.  DC then completed his hat trick with his trademark left foot blast into the near side corner.  The game finished 7-2 and TBT will be asking…where have you gone Raghav Maddi, your teammates turn their lonely eyes to you, woo-woo-woo.  What’s that you say Ronalduy, Rockin’ Rag has left and gone away, hey-hey-hey, hey-hey-hey!

 

Whitewalkers FC vs Maestros FC

Toronto Champions League is done dipping their toes into this season and we’ve waded into the deeper waters where more is at stake. In the Week 3 Primetime game first-place Maestros took on the Whitewalkers who could vault ahead of them with a victory.

The Whitewalkers were without last season’s POY Dan McNiece who probably had an important dodge-ball game to attend. But that’s what you get when you have an acclaimed two-sport athlete on your team. The Oakland Raiders felt the same way about Bo Jackson I suppose.

While games usually start out slow rookie of the year contender Abdel-Haddi Alnahlawi had a great chance turned away by Whitewalkers goalie Charles Yang. Coming back the other way the Maestros’ Murat Cokgezen stopped a great opportunity by Chaitanya Khanna.

However it set up a corner and John Burinski buried a great inbound pass to put Whitewalkers up 1-0 early.

Whitewalkers continued to apply plenty of pressure throughout the first half to no avail. Theo “The Body” Blanchard was being allowed roam free in the midfield and lob powerful shots at will. Twice Cokgezen made point blank saves off deflections from Blanchard shots. A Burinski shot clanged off the post and ran along the goal line, somehow not crossing it. Blanchard made another run through the middle but Cokgezen stuck his foot out in time. Like a cockroach, the Maestros somehow managed to escape the Whitewalkers’ stomping still alive.

The Whitewalkers pressure finally broke near the end of the first half. The Maestros managed to send a couple of good chances wide of the net. Then a bad turnover left Menemen Metinho all alone with the ball. Yang made the save but the ball ended up directly on Alnahlawi’s feet to slid a shot through Yang’s legs to tie everything up at 1-1.

Despite being outplayed Metinho was still very confident at halftime.

They were just as cocky on the other side of the field.

The action picked up to a fever pitch in the 2nd half as the Whitewalkers could almost taste first place, but the Maestro’s wouldn’t give up their special seat at the table. Yet another Blanchard run results in an out-of-control scramble in Cokgezen’s crease. Christy Gnanapragasam stuffed home a loose ball. Whitewalkers up 2-1.

That lead didn’t last long.

The Maestros forced a corner. After the initial inbounds, the ball popped up in the air and Metinho went for his newly patented spin-o-rama kick (Notice I didn’t go for the easy whirling dervish joke) to tie it up at 2-2.

The action continued up and down the field at such a torrid pace that it’s believed that the referee forgot about the handball rule. A Cokgezen clearing attempt clearly hit Metinho’s arm. No call. This led to some sustained pressure by the Maestros. Alnahlawi was finally allowed some space to move but Yang made the save. The rebound came straight out to Victor Arcentales and with Yang pulled way out of his area it would have seemed to be an easy goal but Burinski put his body (and arm) on the line to block the shot. No call.

Once again the action moved down to the Maestros’ end. With the referee seemingly calling every little infraction (except for handballs) the Whitewalkers were awarded a free kick. Fernando “Ferny” Ayala sent it on net where Cokgezen batted it away right into Gnanapragasam (and his hand) which then deflected into the net. No call. Whitewalkers up 3-2 and time running down.

Maestros pushed everything forward to preserve their first place standing. And while it wasn’t nearly as pretty as last week’s game-winner, I’m sure the Maestros were just as happy with Alnahlawi’s goal to tie it up 3-3. One minute left and its looking like… wait! Whitewalkers Kosta Zabashta alone along the sideline. He rifles a shot that just. Curls. Wide.

 

Week 2 action saw both The Black Team and OTPP United fall to 0-0-2 on the season with heartbreaking losses to Maestros FC and Blue Lightning respectively. Bad Apples FC and Whitewalkers FC battled to the final minute, finishing in a thrilling 5-5 draw.

OTPP United vs Blue Lightning
WEEK 2 in the TCL featured a Primetime 7pm matchup between a pair of 0-1 squads to start the season. In the yellow corner, the glistening OTPP United regained their golden boy JJ “Half man Half amazing” and were looking to get back to .500 on the season. In the blue corner of the pitch, there was a thunderstorm warning in effect as the fearless Blue Lightning we’re looking to strike early and often. They say your chances of being struck by lightning are 1 in a million, but I guess anything is possible.

The first half of this tilt featured two very defensive squads, neither team looking to give up any chances. On defense for O-United, Ted “Big Train” Guo was an absolute beast, keeping the speedy BL forwards in check with his size and gritty forearm. Not to be outdone, Julio “The Lion” Araujo stepped up for BL and blasted a missile on net. O- United keeper Dave “Eye Candy” Ashton made a huge stop saving a sure goal. The first half whistle blew with a 0-0 tie after 25. The fans, wanted more offence… “We paid money for this?” was shouted from the bleachers.

Second half underway! Much more offensive this time around… O-United opened the scoring with a beautiful corner kick from Brad “The Bad Man” Hughes to a wide open Paul “Pistol” Callahan who headed the ball to the back of the net. 1-nil O-United!… Kevin “The Wall” Bonner made a few more spectacular kick saves to keep BL in the game. Then, mid-way through the second, Ivan “The Terrible” Gojmerac controlled the ball brilliantly from mid, down the left sideline, and from an impossible angle, took a shot with his LEFT foot which found the right post and in the net. Fan, Metin Guler ran onto the field to high five and chest bumb Ivan. it was the closest thing the TCL has ever seen to an actual nude streaker. The game was TIED at 1-1 and JJ “Half Man Half Amazing” took matters into his own hands making a number of intense runs falling just short on a number of incredible blasts. The Blue Lightning tag team duo of Vince “Casanova” Castronovo and Gabe “The Babe” Ajon kept the United moving with some great chemistry up front. In the dying seconds of the game, BL staying true to their name struck lightning with a miraculous bounce off the head of a United player which slipped past the O-United Keep and into the net. BLUE LIGHTNING WIN! A rivalry was born this evening.
-Paul Callahan

 
Maestros FC vs The Black Team

Through two weeks of Toronto Champions League action only Maestros FC remain the only unbeaten, untied team. While they were pushed to the brink last night, they kept pushing forward to snatch a victory away from The Black Team.

It was a shaky start to the game as the Maestros tried to buy some time while goaltender Murat Cokgezen got ready. The Black Team was short too as they required the controversial “rotating goaltender” strategy in order to keep some of their legs fresh. Unlike Maestros they had no subs. Taking advantage of some shaky goaltending, former Golden Boot winner RonalDuy Nguyen scored on a slow roller to put The Black Team up 1-0. With Cokgezen finally in the net, Maestros started to beef up their attack. A beautiful tic-tac-toe passing play left Thunder Dan Newman all alone but he lifted his shot high. Another play saw Ash Connor making a sweet kick save off a header from Abdel-Haddi Alnahlawi.

The Black Team regrouped and “Fancy Feet” John Altinian started controlling the pace of the game. RonalDuy had a great chance but hit the post hard enough to rock the whole net.

It was the Maestros who struck next though on a pile-up in the goalmouth off a corner kick. It may have been the slowest goal in league history as the ball literally did a half-roll over the goal line before it stopped. Chris Campbell got the credit and I’m sure many years from now he’ll have a more embellished story regarding his first Champions League goal. 1-1.

Mario “Coach” Vega put The Black Team up with an easy tap in off an Altinian pass but not 30 seconds later Alnahlawi crushed a shot that seemed to go right through Jeff McCabe’s torso. 2-2.
RonalDuy broke the tie yet again off another sweet pass from Altinian.
The half ended with The Black Team up 3-2 and their vaunted offence seemingly humming. It was up to Maestro Metin Guler to rally the troops.

The Black Team started out the 2nd half with an unusual formation… RonalDuy in net. While the pundits scoffed at what was sure to be a disaster, the strategy seemed to pay off with McCabe’s relentless motor hounding the Maestro’s defence and Duy making a remarkable point blank save on what seemed to be an easy Alnahlawi goal.

McCabe then executed the perfect box out and, using his left-footedness to his advantage, spun and rifled a goal to put The Black Team up 4-2. Things looked bleak for Maestros FC as McCabe was ringing shots of the crossbar while RonalDuy was showing off his heretofore hidden goaltending skills. But they remembered Metin’s pep talk as saw the Black Team start huffing and puffing across the field. Alnahlawi finally solved the RonalDuy riddle to get Maestros back to 4-3. Defence became just a rumour as the Black Team were clearly tiring. Their hopes rested on just trying to out-score Maestros rather than settle into a defensive shell. However an Altinian turnover at midfield led to a 2-on-1 break where Larry Ng finished off a slick Newman pass to tie the game up at 4-4.

The Black Team kept knocking but Cokgezen wouldn’t let them in, making two clutch saves on Altinian including one on his popo. With the clock-ticking down Maestros gained a side-out in the Black Team end. Dan Newman lofted a pass over the Black’s defence and Alnahlawi slammed a volley into the top corner of the net in what will surely be a finalist for goal of the year.

The Black Team tried to muster one last push but time ran out. 5-4 Maestros.
-Bradley Hughes

After a hard fought game, Real Deal took home the coveted trophy, defeating Calaveras FC in penalty kicks. Bayern Munich took third with a win over The Gunners.

Every team had their ups and downs this season. Bayern Munich overcame early season feuds to win the regular season title but had their playoffs cut short by a determined Calaveras squad. Calaveras FC showed brilliance in the second half of the season and came painfully close to a championship. The Gunners contested the Fall Champs title but could not overcome the loss of two players as their season and playoffs came to a stinging end. And Real Deal, who’s final game mirrored their season as they refused to quit when the odds were stacked against them, battled back from a two goal deficit and captured the title.

Congratulations to the winners of the Toronto Champions League! See you next season!
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Before we get down to business I’d like everyone to take a second and check out our shiny new logo courtesy of AK47 Studios. He has a ton of awesome work that you can check out here: Instagram, Twitter. And in case you want a new car decal here is a link to the image.

Week 20 ended with Real Deal retaking first place with a comeback 6-5 win over The Gunners. Bayern Munich lost decisively to an undermanned Calaveras FC.

The Gunners vs Real Deal
A small bit of drama started this match as Mr Clean walked over to the far pitch. But he was firmly put in his place and sent over to miss calls on the adjacent pitch.

The Gunners were a team in need of goals. After being shutout for three consecutive games they desperately needed to find any spark to ignite their team. But it looked like more of the same. Twice early in the first half Nasim “The Dream” Zoubeiri beat his man down the left wing and deposited the ball cleanly past “Boomin” Dan Newman. Natasha “Hot Foot” Trabulsey added another soon after as she ran down the right wing and chipped the ball over the sliding keeper. The Gunners, to their credit, were not deterred from being down three goals, and kept the pressure up on the Real Deal defence. They were unable to penetrate the combined presence of Ivan “The Conqueror” Gojmerac and Paul “Lucky Charms” Callahan and gave Kevin “The Wall” Bonner ample time to catch up on his beauty rest. The first half ended with Real Deal up 3-0.

A slightly extended half time ended and The Gunners kicked of the second half hour. The Gunners established themselves early on, and finally, after two hundred and ten minutes (that’s over 12000 seconds!), Theo “The Body” Blanchard cut through the midfield, took the ball around Lucky Charms, and slammed the ball overtop Bonner’s hands. The spark was lit, and The Gunners opened up. A kick-in shortly there after was redirected by Kosta “Bowser” Zabashta to pull the orange within one. The Gunners kept their pressure piling on, while Real Deal relied on the Mediterranean connection of the Turkish Delight, Metin Guler, and Nasim “The Dream” to keep the counterattack moving. But nothing could find the back of the net as Boomin Newman gave Joe Hart some competition for the 2018 World Cup.

A collision sent Trabulsey briefly to the sidelines, turning this game into a five-a-side affair. The Body took advantage of the open space and used his ostrich-like speed to sneak in behind the Real Deal defence and pick up a pass from The Gunners’ skipper, Dave Ashton, before sliding it through the legs of Bonner. The Gunners had found their mojo and kept things rolling with a kick in from “Hat Trick” Patrick Polkowski that bounced off the back of Gojmerac’s back and into the Real Deal net. Stunned by the turn of events, Real Deal upped their pressure, allowing “Iron” Mike Ermakov to get a breakaway off the counter attack. He made no mistake and chipped the ball overtop Bonner to double The Gunners’ lead.

A two goal lead, five minutes left, The Gunners had a long awaited victory firmly in their grasp. And then the walls began to crumble. The Turkish Delight slipped past his defender and slid the ball past Newman. No problem, still a one goal lead with five minutes to go. The Gunners, believing the best defence is a good offence, kept the pressure up on Bonner who tossed the ball downfield to a streaking Zoubeiri. And what happened next is the most bizarre sequence of events that I’ve ever seen in my years as an amateur soccer analyst. The ball rolled past Zoubeiri and Blanchard and towards Boomin Newman. A miscommunication between keeper and defender meant nobody tried to play it. The ball knocked off of Newman’s leg and trickled past the line. Goal credit goes to Bonner on a Hail Mary toss. With only a couple minutes left The Gunners looked panicked. Captain Dave Ashton rallied his troops to push forward, unwilling to accept a draw. With time ticking down, The Conqueror showed Ashton how a captain should behave as he took the ball and fired it past Newman. And that was it. Just like that The Gunners glorious comeback turned into a 6-5 victory for Real Deal. The orange team will sadly return to Mr Clean’s pitch pointless, but with goals finally coming their way.

Real Deal took the field against The White Team who continues to get better and better. The game started off at a fast pace with both teams generating chances. Leon Perelman proved himself a very capable goalkeeper as he wasn’t letting anything get by him. RD even missed a penalty as it rattled off the post, but everybody knew it was because Leon willed it to be that way.

TWT drew first blood as a quick shot was saved by Kevin Bonner but the rebound fell to Salar who reacted quickly to put it past the keeper. RD pushed forward and had a few one v ones but couldn’t finish. Victor and Derek didn’t have that problem as they scored the second and third goals for TWT. RD went into the half wondering how they were down 3-0. They couldn’t score in a women’s prison with a handful of pardons.

The second half was a wild affair that at times threatened to get out of hand! TWT stopped playing when they all felt there was a handball by RD. The ref saw nothing and Metin pushed forward and found Natasha who thundered the ball into the back of the net. Now what Leon…is what she was heard saying. A few minutes later Ivan faked with the right and then hit a left footer that went off the post and in, making it 3-2. RD kept coming and Metin picked up a rebound and hit the ball into the roof of the net. TWT was continually frustrated with the referee and again they felt a call was missed. Their frustrations got the better of them as once again they didn’t play to the whistle which gave Ivan enough space on the left to find an unmarked Natasha who thundered the ball past Leon….again…..Leon. RD managed to take a 4-3 lead after being down 3-0! TWT didn’t give up though and Derek Chan, who only needs the tiniest sight of goal got just that and buried one at the near post tying the game up. The ref blew the final whistle shortly after and the game ended in a 4-4 draw.

Bayern vs Gunners to follow.

Bayern Munich battled from a 1-0 deficit to defeat Calaveras FC 2-1. Real Deal maintained their position at the top of the champions league table with a 3-0 win over The Gunners

Bayern Munich vs. Calaveras FC
The weather outside may have been frightful but the indoor soccer action was de-fucking-lightful as Bayern Munich took on the new & improved Calaveras FC. Raghavender “The Goaltender” Maddi was slow out of the change-room as Mr.Clean wanted to get this game moving on time and thus chaos reigned early in the match as BM couldn’t figure out who was playing where. Calaveras was quick to pounce on a disorganized (i.e. business as usual) BM backline as Derek “Cha-Ching” Chan found a wide open “Ten Touch” Tyler Zeng who easily tapped the ball into an even more wide open net. After that Calaveras put on their chastity belts and denied BM any penetration. The only two solid chances BM could muster were a couple of wide-angle shots off the post by RonalDuy. Calaveras held the lead at half 1-0.

The grind didn’t stop in the second half as both teams bottled up the others’ offence. It was clear the next goal would determine the outcome of this game. And Calaveras almost had it! Salar “The Ship” Modarresi sent a rocket from just outside the box that Raghavender “The Goaltender” barely got his hand on. But it was enough to send the ball wide and keep the game within BM’s reach.

Midway through the 2nd half BM finally got their break. “Coach” Vega found a small opening and hammered a shot that Scott “I’m not a real goalie but I play one on TV” Tudo unfortunately directed right on to the foot of a charging Jeff “The Athlete” McCabe. 1-1. It was a brand new game with 10 minutes left… who would be the difference-maker?

RonalDuy.

Finally given a small amount of daylight, RonalDuy made a run and casually put one by Tudo on the short side to give BM their first lead of the game. Despite Calaveras’s flurry of pressure in the final minutes that 2-1 lead held up. Bayern Munich now gets their shot at first place next week. Watch out Real Deal.

Real Deal vs. The Gunners
The Gunners were aiming for top spot against a Real Deal squad who wasn’t willing to give it up.  The first half was hard fought with neither side giving the other much room to play.  The few chances that came up were put down by Bonner and Newman.  The half finished 0-0.

Shortly into the second half, Real Deal broke the deadlock.  Nasim found Metin wide open on the right wing and Metin put in a clinical finish to make it 1-0.  The Gunners piled numbers forward looking for the equalizer but they got caught up field.  Bonner made a save and then quickly threw the ball to an open Ivan on the right wing.  Ivan spun and hit the half volley which Newman did well to keep out, but the ball landed at the capable feet of Natasha who scored to make it 2-0.

The Gunners stormed forward and this time they hit hard and rattled a shot off the cross bar.  While Bonner was kissing the crossbar in appreciation, the Gunners rattled another one off the post.  Bonner started kissing the post in a way that some people might call “making out” but who are we to judge?

Then came a controversial moment that could’ve changed the complexion of the match.  Bonner handled the ball at what looked to be 2 feet outside of the area.  Ivan had a first hand look at it but surprisingly, nobody else seemed to notice.  “I was sure the referee was going to call it, I even stopped playing for a few seconds.  But when I looked around, nobody else seemed to notice.  I debated raising my hand and acknowledging the free kick but then thought that it was entirely inappropriate to tell the referee how to do his job.”  Rather than bringing the game into disrepute, Ivan took the high road and didn’t say anything.

Shortly thereafter Real Deal scored a third as Metin and Nasim once again linked up, this time Nasim finding the back of the net.  The match ended 3-0 and Kevin Bonner celebrated his first shut out of the season, well deserved!

Real Deal vs Bayern Munich
The “sweet” week sixteen matchup between Bayern Munich and Real Deal was one for the ages. Both teams had notable lineup changes this week with Real loaning their clutch striker Natasha Trabulsey to the Gunners and Bayern having to manage without superstar RonalDuy for the match. However, Bayern did welcome back keeper Bradley Hughes between the pipes.

The game kicked off with a bang, both squads came out firing on all cylinders hoping to get out to an early lead. Hughes was tested early but passed with flying colours making a huge diving save on Real striker Talha the “Baller” Sarac. Bonner was equally rock solid at the other end denying several attempts from BM. Then, at about the 16′ minute mark, Dan set piece McNiece on a corner kick, sent the ball through across the goal line to a wide open Fernando “one-hit wonder” Ayala whose eyes lit up with amazement. Outside the arena the stars could be seen aligning, hell did in fact freeze over, and, if you listened very carefully, you could actually hear the fat lady singing. Ferny connected on the pass across and scored the game opener. Time seemed to stand still as Bayern celebrated. To everyone’s amazement, they performed choreographed dance with Ferny in the middle of the circle waiving his shirt in the air. He then used the ball to shoot down each teammate like a sniper, reenacting his goal over and over again. Even referee Mr. Clean clapped his hands together and said “very good goal”….After that Real Deal battled back with a few amazing chances. Former Bayern player, “Hurricane” Christine Zhu was looking to prove why she is the league rookie of the year. Metin the “Swordsman” Guler blasted a shot that was brilliantly tipped by Zhu just wide of the Bayern net. Keeper Hughes was seen wiping the sweat from his brow and quoted as saying, “Wow that was really close”. Finally the hard work would pay off as Nasim “The Supreme Dream ” would not be denied, burying a sweet goal tying the game 1-1 just before the first half whistle.

In the second half, Bayern would come out flying. “Super” Mario threw a fireball at the net scoring his dirty dozenth goal of the year. Just a few seconds later, with RD still reeling, Jeff “The Athlete” McCabe found the back of the net with a sweet finish. Minutes later Real would close the gap completing a beautiful tic-tac-toe finish from Callahan-Guler-Sarac. With the score 3-2 in the dying seconds, “The Swordsman” Guler sent the ball to Paul “Winner Take All” Callahan who hit the cross bar. “Captain” Gojmerac and “Hurricane” Christine also had amazing chances in the dying seconds but were somehow denied. Bayern hung on for the well deserved “W”. 3-2 the final score.

The Gunners vs Calaveras FC
The newly renamed Calaveras FC came into this game as the hottest team in the league winning their last three contests, while The Gunners were hoping that short-term loan Natasha “Hot Foot” Trabulsey could help them break out of their two game slump. Calaveras had their work cut out for them as they came in missing their captain Scott “Tic-Tac-Toe” Tudo, and two scoring threats in Salar “The Ship” Modarresi and Tyler “Ten Touch” Zeng. The Gunners came out attacking early with “Iron” Mike Ermakov scoring a hat trick before Calaveras keeper JF “Smackdown” Paquin could get his gloves on. The game calmed down with defences on both sides shutting down scoring chances before they could reach the net.

Calaveras was determined in the second half sending Eefay “White Fire” Wang and Derek “Cha-Ching” Chan to pressure the Gunners’ back line and keeper forcing several turnovers. But the second effort blocks by Theo “The Body” Blanchard and Ted “Big Train” Guo, as well as some shots missing the net by inches kept Calaveras scoreless. Finally the Polkowski-Ermakov-Trabulsey connection found their stride as two goals by Natasha “Hot Foot” Trabulsey found their way into the Calaveras goal and gave The Gunners a comfortable lead.

To their credit Calaveras did not give up as Chan found himself one-on-one with the Gunners’ keeper twice late in the game and made no mistake burying both goals. But it was not enough, as Theo “The Body” Blanchard scored once on a brilliant solo effort and Patrick “The Punisher” Polowski found his mark to close out the scoring. This game ended decisively in The Gunners favour, 8-2.