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Week 20 ended with Real Deal retaking first place with a comeback 6-5 win over The Gunners. Bayern Munich lost decisively to an undermanned Calaveras FC.
The Gunners vs Real Deal
A small bit of drama started this match as Mr Clean walked over to the far pitch. But he was firmly put in his place and sent over to miss calls on the adjacent pitch.
The Gunners were a team in need of goals. After being shutout for three consecutive games they desperately needed to find any spark to ignite their team. But it looked like more of the same. Twice early in the first half Nasim “The Dream” Zoubeiri beat his man down the left wing and deposited the ball cleanly past “Boomin” Dan Newman. Natasha “Hot Foot” Trabulsey added another soon after as she ran down the right wing and chipped the ball over the sliding keeper. The Gunners, to their credit, were not deterred from being down three goals, and kept the pressure up on the Real Deal defence. They were unable to penetrate the combined presence of Ivan “The Conqueror” Gojmerac and Paul “Lucky Charms” Callahan and gave Kevin “The Wall” Bonner ample time to catch up on his beauty rest. The first half ended with Real Deal up 3-0.
A slightly extended half time ended and The Gunners kicked of the second half hour. The Gunners established themselves early on, and finally, after two hundred and ten minutes (that’s over 12000 seconds!), Theo “The Body” Blanchard cut through the midfield, took the ball around Lucky Charms, and slammed the ball overtop Bonner’s hands. The spark was lit, and The Gunners opened up. A kick-in shortly there after was redirected by Kosta “Bowser” Zabashta to pull the orange within one. The Gunners kept their pressure piling on, while Real Deal relied on the Mediterranean connection of the Turkish Delight, Metin Guler, and Nasim “The Dream” to keep the counterattack moving. But nothing could find the back of the net as Boomin Newman gave Joe Hart some competition for the 2018 World Cup.
A collision sent Trabulsey briefly to the sidelines, turning this game into a five-a-side affair. The Body took advantage of the open space and used his ostrich-like speed to sneak in behind the Real Deal defence and pick up a pass from The Gunners’ skipper, Dave Ashton, before sliding it through the legs of Bonner. The Gunners had found their mojo and kept things rolling with a kick in from “Hat Trick” Patrick Polkowski that bounced off the back of Gojmerac’s back and into the Real Deal net. Stunned by the turn of events, Real Deal upped their pressure, allowing “Iron” Mike Ermakov to get a breakaway off the counter attack. He made no mistake and chipped the ball overtop Bonner to double The Gunners’ lead.
A two goal lead, five minutes left, The Gunners had a long awaited victory firmly in their grasp. And then the walls began to crumble. The Turkish Delight slipped past his defender and slid the ball past Newman. No problem, still a one goal lead with five minutes to go. The Gunners, believing the best defence is a good offence, kept the pressure up on Bonner who tossed the ball downfield to a streaking Zoubeiri. And what happened next is the most bizarre sequence of events that I’ve ever seen in my years as an amateur soccer analyst. The ball rolled past Zoubeiri and Blanchard and towards Boomin Newman. A miscommunication between keeper and defender meant nobody tried to play it. The ball knocked off of Newman’s leg and trickled past the line. Goal credit goes to Bonner on a Hail Mary toss. With only a couple minutes left The Gunners looked panicked. Captain Dave Ashton rallied his troops to push forward, unwilling to accept a draw. With time ticking down, The Conqueror showed Ashton how a captain should behave as he took the ball and fired it past Newman. And that was it. Just like that The Gunners glorious comeback turned into a 6-5 victory for Real Deal. The orange team will sadly return to Mr Clean’s pitch pointless, but with goals finally coming their way.